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1.
Robot Monkey Head
Robot… Monkey… Head …Robot…
Monkey….Head….
I have a trampoline and a trapeze in
my backroom
I have a solar powered hovercraft, a wizard’s flying broom
but there is one more toy I’d like to have before I’m gone and
dead
and It’s a battery-powered life size wireless robot monkey head,
Robot monkey
head, Robot monkey head
That face I know so well -- you’ll be my show and tell
Robot Monkey head Robot monkey head
Your breath smells like bananas-- You’d never wear pajamas
You’d never run away from me and
hardly ever sweat
and you’d stay out of the garbage and you’d be the perfect pet
and when my mom came home from work then I could hide you in my
room
and you could help me with my homework teach me how to speak
“baboon,”
Robot Monkey Head Robot monkey head
you’d be my missing link -- your neck leaks when you drink
Robot Monkey head Robot monkey head
I’d learn your monkey call -- Ooo - ooo -- oo ahhh - ahhh - ahhhhh
Ooo-ooo-ooo AAHh-Ahhh-Aahhh! X 3
I’d strap you to my handlebars while
riding on my bike
and I would feed you monkey chow or just bananas if you like
and I would tell you funny knock-knock jokes and demonstrate
karate
but you could never punch or kick ‘cause you don’t have a body!
Robot Monkey Head Robot monkey head
On my handlebars -- Watching out for cars X 3
Robot Monky Head _I’d learn your monkey call ooo ooo ooo Ah AH AH
Robot… Monkey….Head…. Robot…
Monkey….Head….
Robot… Monkey….Head…. Robot… Monkey….Head….
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2. The
Principal's Office
“John Hadfield, please report to the
principal’s office.
John Hadfield, report to the Principal’s office immediately.”
I heard the announcement in morning class
And my face turned red as a beet,
I slowly stood up and looked at the door
But I couldn’t move my feet.
What had I done, what had I said?
My record’s been clean since September
Did anyone see me break the rules?
I thought back but I couldn’t remember
Was it the snake I caught last weekend
That I put in Miss Phillip’s drawer?
Was it the rubber vomit I’d subtly dropped
Outside the nurse’s office door?
My legs were weak as I walked down the hall
Like I was walking the long green mile,
Was it the time I locked the lavatory doors?
In spite of myself, I smile
But who would have told? I wondered
Who could have seen the crime?
Which one of my friends had turned me in?
Which one had dropped the dime?
A teacher passed me in the hall
She smirked and she looked away,
I thought as I reached for the office door
That crime just doesn’t pay
I took a breath and turned the knob
And the Principal walked in past me
I’d tell him whatever he wanted to know
He wouldn’t even have to ask me,
He turned around and gave me a bag
I heard its contents crunch,
“Your mom stopped by 5 minutes ago
Seems you forgot your lunch.”
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3. Uncle Tony's Dentures
Uncle Tony lost his teeth
We don’t know where they are,
We’ve searched throughout the living room
And even in his car,
He needs them before dinner
To eat my mother’s stew,
Without them he is helpless,
‘Cause he can’t even chew,
[CHORUS]
Step to the left,
Hop to the right,
Arms out wide and then in tight,
Just be careful you don’t step
On Uncle Tony’s dentures
First he lost his wallet,
And then he lost his keys,
Once the dentures bit the dog
When Uncle Tony sneezed,
He put his shirt on backwards
With a sweater underneath,
And now poor Uncle Tony
Has done misplaced his teeth,
[CHORUS]
Suddenly it came to him,
It popped into his head,
“I know I took my dentures out
Before I went to bed…
I put them in some water,
On the nightstand in a cup,
Then underneath my pillow
So they’d be close
When I woke up!”
[CHORUS]
I ran and grabbed his pillow,
And then looked underneath,
But nothin’ there resembled
Poor Uncle Tony’s teeth,
Now I don’t believe in fairies
And I hope I never will,
But under Tony’s pillow
Was a twenty dollar bill!
[CHORUS]
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4. Stink Monkey
Late
at night when the moon is in the sky
The neighborhood’s asleep -- no cars driving by
There’s a strange sad noise down the corner at the park
Some dogs hear the noise, they know not to bark --
Stink Monkey
A
wiry little creature plays on the sliding board
He’s swings on the swings and runs through the yard
He climbs on the monkey bars and on the jungle gym
And nobody ever comes out to play with him --
Stink Monkey
[CHORUS]
Stink Monkey says - Don’t wash your hair!
Don’t change your socks or your crusty underwear,
Never brush your teeth or bathe in the sink
And we can share the stink
Your mom says “Wash!” - don’t listen to her
And you’ll end up with a tail and fur
Like me.
I smell funky.
I’m the Stink Stink Stink Stink Stink --Stink Monkey
Nobody knows that monkey very well
Not sure why, but perhaps it is the smell
He smells like a fish who’s been smoking a cigar
Or a TV dinner that’s been left out in the car --
Stink Monkey
None
of the animals ever want to play
Even the skunks will sometimes run away
The swing set smells like that monkey for a week
I wish he’d just take a bath in the creek --
Stink Monkey
[CHORUS]
Perhaps he’s always had that awful scent
Or maybe was the victim of a sad accident
Like he fell into a vat of old seafood
or lived in the swamp and his fur mildewed --
Stink Monkey
If
you don’t clean your teeth and under your arms
Your breath and your smell will ruin your charms
If your friends run away when they see you
You might end up like “you know who”
Stink Monkey.....
[CHORUS]
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5. Bunny Foo Foo - the High School Years
Bunny Foo Foo
Whackin’ mice
Bunny Foo Foo
That wasn’t nice
Little Bunny
Foo Foo was the bully of the school
His whiskers and his leather jacket made him look so cool
The other rabbits lived in fear when Foo Foo was around
And wherever you had trouble, Bunny Foo Foo could be found
Bunny Foo Foo
Talkin’ trash
Bunny Foo Foo
Whiskery mustache
A gang of tough
guy rabbits followed BFF to lunch
They wanted to hit Foo Foo with a wild rabbit punch
But Bunny turned around and looked them all right in the eye
One tough guy wet his fur and another began to cry,
Bunny Foo Foo
Such a goon
Bunny Foo Foo
Should change his tune
They wanted to
find someone Bunny Foo Foo couldn’t beat
they called Larry - an Asian rabbit from the restaurant down the
street
He worked there making sushi, bussing trays and washing dishes
He said “ Bunny Foo Foo will soon be sleeping with the fishes,”
When Bunny Foo
Foo heard the challenge, he thought it was funny
He said “I’m gonna kick his tail and then take his lunch money,”
Larry said “I know Carrote, and he struck a martial pose
He pulled a carrot from his coat - hit Foo Foo in the nose,
Foo Foo’s nose
started to bleed and then his eyes began to water
His legs began to wobble and his courage turned to butter
He said “I’m telling Mommy” and he ran right out the door
And Bunny Foo Foo never bothered anybody any more
Bunny Foo Foo
Best beware
Bunny Foo Foo
Messed- up hare
There’s a moral
to this story that may never find these rabbits,
A bully’s very insecure and has some nasty habits,
When you are in a bad mood - you don’t have to share it
And if you ever meet a bully I hope you ‘re carrying a carrot
Bunny Foo Foo
Bully of the town
Bunny Foo Foo
What goes around, comes around
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6.
The Duct Tape Festival
I lost my job last Tuesday
That started my descent
My parents kicked me out
because I couldn’t pay the rent
And then my girlfriend dumped me,
She said I was obsessed
‘Cause I made her a book case
and a duct tape… wedding dress
[CHORUS]
I’m leavin’ town I’m broke I’m down -- No money left to fly-o
So I’m drivin’ my van to a festival In Avon Ohio
I got a booth to sell my stuff and I know that folks will buy - o
I’ll get rich and I’ll find my nitch --
I’ll do my best and I’ll pass the test at the Duct Tape Fest
In Ohio
I’ve made some belts, some wallets
and even some duct tape socks
They’re back behind the driver’s seat
in a big ol’ cardboard box
I’ve got some shirts and jackets
on a rack up on the roof
They sure don’t breathe like cotton
but they’re almost …waterproof
[CHORUS]
There’ll be duct tape art and
sculptures
and even duct tape games
And maybe I’ll get to visit
That Duct Tape Hall of Fame
I’m gonna be a rich man
when people buy my wares
‘Cause duct tape doesn’t shrink or stretch
and hardly …ever tears
[CHORUS]
Oh I’ll be rich and famous
from sellin’ my duct tape stuff
But my genius will be recognized
and that’ll be enough
Back home I’m just a loser
I’m cranky, poor and stressed
But I’ll be the King of this sticky world
When I get to … the Duct Tape Fest
[CHORUS]
I’ve traveled through this lonely
life
as far as I could roam
I’m thinking as I’m driving
That I’ve never found a home
But as I pass through Cleveland
I don’t feel alone at all
I think I’ll stick with Avon
It’s the Duct Tape …capital
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7. Rhyming Song
[CHORUS]
Rhyming song, rhyming song,
I’ll never sing that rhyming song,
I may be right, I may be... not quite right
but I’ll never sing that rhyming song,
My
friend Bryce lives out West
in a little town called Albuquerque.
Thanksgiving he could not go home
So he stayed with us and he ate ...macaroni and cheese
[CHORUS]
When
Julia was a little girl
she wanted to sit on Santa’s lap,
When she finally saw him at the mall
she jumped up and down and began to...cry
[CHORUS]
Last
month I fell and hurt my back
and I went to the chiropractor,
I caught a ride with Farmer Bob
who let me try out his new... minivan
[CHORUS]
When
Uncle Tony comes to dinner
We always have great adventures,
Last night he couldn’t eat his food
‘Cause that poor man forgot his... teeth,
[CHORUS]
Whenever I sing the Rhyming Song
It’s crazy that the words don’t rhyme,
I try and try to get it right
But it seems to happen every... day
[CHORUS]
8.
Bad for the Roads, but Good on Chicken
[CHORUS]
It’s bad for the roads --- But good on chicken,
It’s bad for the roads --- But good on chicken,
It’s bad for the roads --- But good on chicken,
So pass the salt…Pleeeease
We know that the salt corrodes your
car
And pollutes the water wherever you are
It destroys the concrete, dissolves the tar
But it sure tastes good on chicken
[CHORUS]
It’s true that your health is really
a treasure
And salt’s not good for your blood pressure
It’s worse for you than polyester
But it sure tastes good on chicken
[CHORUS]
If it’s icy when I go for a ride
And I hit some chickens when I start to slide
I pull out my sodium chloride
‘Cause it sure tastes good on chicken
[CHORUS]
Now chicken is a food that’s good to
eat
Unless you’re a vegan or you don’t eat meat
So keep your chickens out of the street
‘Cause you know I LOVE my chicken
[CHORUS]
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9.
Best Friends
When you are a little kid the world is kind
of scary
Especially when your best friend is -– imaginary
He doesn’t have a family and it is tough to be him
Because he only talks to me-- and only I can see him
And we’re best friends
There’s no doubt about it
Yes we’re best friends
I really want to shout it!
‘Cause we’re best friends – and we thought we’d let you know
And so we sing this song before we move on with the show
When I win a million dollars -- I will give
you half
And if you’re in a grumpy mood – I can make you laugh
If I do a magic trick – you can pick a card
And if you get an elephant, I’ll help you clean the yard
Because we’re best friends
There’s no doubt about it
Yes we’re best friends
I really want to shout it
‘Cause we’re best friends – and we thought we’d let you know
And so we sing this song before we move on with the show
If you need a bowling partner I can roll a
strike
If your car is in the shop – you can ride my bike
Sometimes we don’t see each other for almost a year
And then I’ll show up at your door and say-- Hey Dude I’m here!
Because we’re best friends
There’s no doubt about it
Yes we’re best friends
I really want to shout it
‘Cause we’re best friends – and we thought we’d let you know
And so we sing this song before we move on with the show
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10. I Like Beans
I like beans
Everyone should eat ‘em
For pure protein
No other food can beat ‘em
Beans taste great
Beans are the answer
They fight heart disease
And certain types of cancer
[CHORUS]
Beans, beans
They’re good for your heart
Beans, beans
They make you
SMART They make you smart, smart, smart
I eat beans
They’re warm in my belly
But I won’t eat
the ones made out of jelly
Call them beans
Or call them legumes
Their side effects
Are flatulence and fumes
[CHORUS]
I study beans
Lentils and limas
Some of them came here
All the way from China
Beans are seeds
They’ve always been here
They’ve been on the menu
For ten thousand years
[CHORUS]
So jump right up
Like you just got a wedgie
And help me sing
About my favorite veggie
Let’s all stand
Like a squad of marines
Ands blast out a chorus
To celebrate BEANS!
[CHORUS]
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11. Ready, Fire, Aim!
I
always leap before I look
And talk before I should
With me it’s ready, fire, aim
This really isn’t good
I never test the waters first
I jump in with a splash
I take my foot out of my mouth
To eat my succatash
[CHORUS]
Ready... fire... AIM
I always get the blame,
My mouth moves faster than my brain
It’s ready...fire...AIM
Ready...fire...AIM
That could be my middle name,
I’m always saying stupid things
It’s ready...fire...AIM!
I
tell the teachers what I think
Although it isn’t nice
I might have changed the things I said
If only I’d thought twice
I’m sorry that my mouth
Pushes my brain out of the way
So I don’t have the time to think
About the things I say.
[CHORUS]
Maybe
if I wait to speak
Until I count to ten
But what about emergencies?
So what would I do then?
I’d cover up my mouth
But then the words come out my nose,
I stop and shut my eyes
When it’s my mouth that I should close
[CHORUS]
I
hand in all my homework
Before I correct mistakes,
I never look both ways
And then I have to hit the brakes,
My friends are all avoiding me
Afraid of what I’ll say,
It’s always ready, fire, aim
That ruins my whole day!
[CHORUS]
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Robot
Monkey Head
Robot
Monkey Head continues the tradition of quality original music for
children of all ages, with trademark John Hadfield / Geri Smith
songwriting that combines unique lyrics, outstanding musical
arrangements, and zany sing-along fun.